Life Without You
by Chub
Summary: AU PiperLeo. Piper and Leo were college sweethearts but things didn't stay perfect for long. it's seven years after they met and there's alot of explaining to do. Rubish summary because i don't want to give too much away so please read!DISCONTINUED
1. Life in Rain

A/N: I don't know where this is going to go. It came out of some serious boredom and listening to music too much. I have about 4 chapters written in total but they aren't in order, but I'm really excited about it so I decided to post it. I don't know how often I'll be able to update because it all depends on when ideas come to me and if I have the time to follow them through. I do now that reviews make me update faster though! Plus I have two other fics that I'm in the middle of, which I haven't forgotten about, for those of you who read them! I hope you all like this.  
  
Information:  
  
It's Piper/Leo AU which means no magic, and other things may also change but I will let you know at the time. It will include other characters but is mainly focused around Piper and Leo. In further chapters flash backs will definitely be included but I'll make sure it's obvious so it's not confusing. If there's anything else, just ask!  
  
**Disclaimer** for this and all following chapters:I own nothing. This is a work of fan fiction which means I don't own Charmed or any of its characters. They belong to Constance. M. Berge, Aaron Spelling, Brad Kern etc. Not me!  
  
Now, finally, the story...  
  
**Life Without You**  
  
**Chapter 1  
**  
The midnight blue sky stretched on overhead as Leo sat on his roof terrace. Stars dotted the darkness and shone on his face, but he did not notice, nor did he care. The light in his life had been extinguished long ago.  
  
It was the indefinable time between night and morning and he hung between consciousness and sleep. He was neither in one place or the other. His mind was tired and all he could hear was her name as it whispered and echoed through him.  
  
He hated this time, where the quite of the city gave him no choice but to listen to his head, pay attention to his heart and feel his pain. During the day he could hide from himself as the noise of the city and the distraction of his work drowned his memories out.  
  
He was young, with his whole life ahead of him, or so his friends told him when they knew he was slipping back into the past. But they couldn't see or understand what was so obvious to him. As far as he was concerned, he had already lived his life. He was young, yes, but he felt older; to him his life was in the past and he could see no way of getting it in front of him again.  
  
So he eased himself out of the painful seat and dragged himself back indoors; back to the empty rooms and hallways that were his life.  
  
-x-  
  
The sky was cloaked in thick clouds as Piper sat in her small back garden to escape the house. She was moving tomorrow and boxes littered the floor. It scared her to know that her life could be boxed up like that, and she didn't like feeling scared.  
  
Slowly the clouds released their rain. Drop by drop at first but then it grew heavier. She remained in the garden though, preferring to get wet than face the boxes. Almost instantaneously she regretted her decision as the rain brought a torrent of memories; memories she had thought she had buried long ago, but had none the less begun to resurface again. Still she didn't move, she was drowning in her past and it filled every part of her body. Memories pulled painfully at her heart, they made her breathing ragged, her legs impossible to walk on and her eyes cloud with tear that mixed with the rain on her face.  
  
Only one noise could reach her and force her to keep the pain at bay, one cracked innocent word rose from the small monitor she held in her hand.

"Mommy"  
  
A/N: it's sort of a teaser which is why it's short. Please please review!!!!


	2. Deeper

A/N: Thanks to Telekinetic Darkness, Piperleo4eva, Melissa, BRASH, Onion400, MollyBall, P3charmed4eva, Stony Angel (I'll try, in future chapters, to include Piper's 2 sons but for now, please don't stop reading), Charmedmel32 and Magical Princess for reviewing the last chapter, you guys all totally rock, sorry if I confused anyone but things should hopefully start to become a bit clearer now, so enjoy!  
  
**Chapter 2  
**  
She knew that this day would come. She'd always known that she'd comeback to San Francisco sooner or later, but that thought didn't comfort her as she stepped of the airplane.  
  
She'd left the city to go to college on the East Coast and had lived there up until three years ago when she'd gone to London. And now she was back. The city didn't hold any particularly good memories for her. Her mother had drowned when she was only five years old and her father had left-never to be seen again-not long after. She'd spent her childhood growing up between headstrong and confident Prue and Phoebe, who always managed to demand a lot of their grandmother's attention. She'd felt herself become increasingly invisible, something that had been confirmed by a virtually friendless adolescence.  
  
She'd teetered on the brink of depression and self destruction before realising she needed to save herself and make a fresh start. So she left for college. But she didn't want to think about that time either.  
  
She adjusted a sleeping nearly three year old Melinda in her arms and took a deep breath.  
  
"You'll be fine" Her best friend, Paige Mathews, told her as she came up behind Piper. Piper had persuaded Paige to come with her for 'Moral support, and someone I don't have to worry about screwing up around'. The two of them had met at college and hit it of straight away. They were there for each other through everything; both good and bad, like sisters.  
  
Speaking of sisters, Piper swept her eyes across the busy arrivals room at the airport and soon saw her two actual sisters. Piper loved her sisters, but being around them was hard for her; it brought up a lot of issues that she wasn't sure if she was ready to deal with yet. They'd seen each other over the seven years since she'd left San Francisco, but they'd talked more on the phone and, in Piper's opinion, had a better relationship that way. But when their Grams had died 3 months earlier, they realised the importance of family and Piper decided that she needed to come back; no matter how hard that was going to be.  
  
-x-  
  
Leo woke up and rolled over in his large bed. Empty. He knew it would be but it still extinguished the tiny amount of hope inside of him. He'd done this every morning for the past three years, ever since she left. Every morning he held a nanosecond of hope that it had all been some sick excuse for a dream and then...then his hand felt cold sheets and his heart fell. He pushed himself out of the bed and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He flicked on the small portable radio, filling every corner of the small room with songs that barley registered with him. He just needed it on for the noise. He striped and climbed into the shower as running water combined with the music and Leo was almost relaxing. But relaxation came too soon and as the song changed on the radio he was caught of guard. It was _the_ song, their song; when they first met. How could he ignore that? His mind leapt out of his control and dragged him painfully into a memory he'd tried so long to suppress.  
  
_Flashback 6 years_  
  
_Leo didn't want to go. He knew he had to, but he didn't want to. It was his best friend Darryl's birthday today and he was having a party at the house they shared, along with two other people. As it was his house and he was the best friend Leo had to be there, and he wanted to be there for his friend. But he couldn't be bothered with another college party. He knew that the house, not to mention the small back garden, would be packed full with people, most of whom they wouldn't even know. He finished his coffee, threw away the disposable cup and turned the corner onto his street. The music was getting louder now; he'd first heard it two and a half blocks away. 'Get a grip Leo, it'll be good. You'll have fun. And even if you don't, just get drunk and at least you'll think you did' he coached himself mentally as he neared the house. The door was already open so he walked in, grabbed a beer of a nearby table, opened it and went to find Darryl.  
  
For Piper this was just another night, another party and another excuse to feel...free. Since she'd left San Francisco she'd worked hard, but partied harder. She was hurling towards total exhaustion and burn out but she couldn't see that, so she didn't see why she should stop. Her friends had warned her but she didn't care; she was having too much fun. As far as she could see it, she had the best of both worlds: she was getting good grades but she also had friends and she wasn't too afraid to go to parties anymore. She supposed it was true that she was overcompensating for her high school days; having as much of a 'rebellion' as she could now. But she had no past here; she could be anyone she wanted to be, and she'd never had that kind of freedom before.  
  
She was the first thing Leo noticed, the first thing that differentiated itself from everyone else. She danced in the middle of a group of people, she wasn't flaunting herself; she didn't even know that half the people in the room were looking at her, admiring her.  
  
"Hey" Darryl walked over to Leo  
  
"Hi, great party."  
  
"Thanks"  
  
"Do you know who she is?" he pointed at Piper  
  
"Nope. She turned up about half an hour ago. No one knows who she is. Why?"  
  
"No reason"  
  
"Oh yeah..." Darryl nodded knowingly with a big grin spread across his face. Leo liked this girl, it was blatantly obvious.  
  
Leo sttod and watched her and her friends as they danced and had fun for asbout the next forty-five minutes. Then the song changed and about half of the people around Piper drifted away. Leo didn't even think about it, he just handed Darryl his drink and walked over to her as she danced.  
  
"Hey" he spoke directly onto her ear. She looked up at him, noticing him for the first time. The feeling was like non she'd had before, and she was a little scared of it. But it was definitely a good thing.  
  
She was staring right into his eyes and he back into hers, deep brown pouring into green. And he felt himself falling, deeper and deeper. He tore his eyes away before he was lost; as they danced he took in every part of her. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders and down her back in rippling, brown, loose curls. She wore a black strap top and hipster jeans. But wherever he looked didn't matter, he was always drawn back to her eyes. He could spend an eternity lost in them and he wouldn't mind. They showed him a beauty and a purity he'd never seen before, in anyone. But there was also a vulnerability that he hadn't expected, but endeared him to her even more.  
  
All too soon the song ended and Piper turned to walk away, it was late, or should that be early, and she had a class in a few hours. She didn't want to leave though, she could have stayed there dancing with him forever and she wouldn't have cared.  
  
He took a hold of her arm as soon as he saw her turn to leave.  
  
"Don't go."  
  
"I have too."  
  
It was the first thing he'd heard her say and it killed him. He leaned down and captured her lips in his. She responded and the kiss deepened. She didn't want to, but she had to- she broke of their kiss.  
  
"I have too." She repeated it, her voice was low and she hated herself for saying it.  
  
He watched her walk away and he knew he had to get to know her; he'd already fallen for her. And that was when he realised that he didn't even know her name._  
  
By now the water had run icily cold and the song had finished long ago. He switched off the water, wrapped a towel around his waste and climbed out of the shower. He walked out of the bathroom hitting off the radio on his way and went into his bedroom. He hadn't wanted that to happen, he hadn't wanted to think about that. He hadn't in so long, he used to have those sort of 'walks down memory lane' all the time after she left but he hadn't in a while and the intensity had taken him totally off guard. He couldn't let it happen anymore, he couldn't let himself live in the past anymore. He got changed quickly and headed out to work; he needed the distraction.  
  
A/N: Hope you liked and please review. 


	3. Morning After

A/N: thanks to Miggs, Charmboy4, Magical princess, xjelliepotatoex, Holly Shadow, anonymous, p3charmedforever, piperleo4eva, Charmedmel32 and Stony Angel for all your amazing review. A lot of you had comments and questions and all I can say to them is: don't presume anything about Piper and Leo's previous time together unless it says it in the story. I promise things will all become clear soon. If you do have any really urgent and specific questions then point them out to me in your next review (hopefully) with an email address and I'll answer them that way so it doesn't spoil things for any one else. Also I know it's been a really long time between the last chapter and this one and I'm so sorry for that but It's been a crazy few weeks and I've been seriously under inspired then last night this just came to me so I wrote it down in my notebook and here it is. I hope you like it but sorry if it's rubbish. That's enough of my ramblings. Here's what you really want...

**Chapter 3**

Piper had never been good at getting up early and being here definitely didn't improve that. Unfortunately her daughter didn't have that problem.

"Mommy!" Melinda ran across the room and launched herself at her mother's waking body.

Because of the size of the Manor, Piper and Melinda had to use the large attic as a shared bedroom with Paige taking the room downstairs that Piper had had when she had lived here permanently. A gentle knocking at the door signaled that Paige herself was awake now.

"Auntie Paige!" Melinda now raced across to jump in the arms of her mother's best friend as Paige half carried, half tickled the girl, who was now laughing almost uncontrollably, back to Piper who was still lying in bed and was just starting to properly wake up.

"How can you both be this awake this early?" she asked as Melinda engulfed her in a fierce hug.

"Why shouldn't we mommy?" Melinda asked innocently

"Yeah, why shouldn't we mommy?" Paige mocked, causing Melinda to laugh more.

"Because it's early and I'm tired" Piper knew her response was weak but, like she said, it was early and she was tired. She didn't have the energy to think up a better one.

Melinda was now occupying her self by playing with Piper's hair and using a pile of hairclips and a hairbrush she'd found on Piper's bedside table. This gave Piper and Paige a chance to talk.

"What's really the matter?" Paige asked. She could always tell when there was something Piper was keeping from her.

"It's just being here you know. I feel like I've gone back in time 7 years. I feel like I'm this weak, invisible 18 year old again and that's exactly what I was trying not to be when I left. And I've only been here for less than 24 hours" she gave a small laugh, "great!"

"What do you think Auntie Paige?" Melinda had now finished Piper's hair.

"Oh I think its Beautiful!"

"Let me see?" Piper wanted to know how she looked and motioned for Paige to grab the mirror that lay on her bedside table. Paige obliged and, with Melinda's help, made a great show of presenting it to Piper.

What Piper saw next made her laugh with shock and the pure hilarity of it. Her hair was all up and secured with pins so that it stuck out in several ways and resembled a small firework going off.

"Yes Mellie that is absoloutley beautiful. How about you do the same to Auntie Paige now" Piper suggested looking innocently but sneaking Paige a devious glance.

"Oh no. No you don't!" Paige got up of the bed and had no choice but to run around the room as Melinda bounded after her brandishing a hairbrush and a new set of hair clips.

-x-

Downstairs in the Kitchen, Prue and Phoebe could hear the laughter and squeals that were coming from the attic.

"I don't understand it Prue. Why is she different with Paige, you know more relaxed, then when she's with us? We're her sisters."

"I know Phoebes but a lot's happened in the past 7 years; a whole lot of stuff that we don't even know about properly. But Paige was there. She helped her through it and Piper obviously needs her now otherwise she wouldn't have brought her."

"I know but it's hard. I can't help but think that we should be the ones to help her. I don't even know why she left in the first place. I thought everything was fine."

"Me too but she'll be finding this as hard as we are. We haven't all lived together in 7 years. We've hardly seen her in 7 years. It'll take some getting used to."

"I guess you're right. I just hope it doesn't take too long."

"Haven't you learnt by now? I'm always right" Phoebe smiled and the tension of the moment was relieved slightly.

-x-

Leo walked into the hospital in a strange sense of detachment. He was there, yes, but he was there for a job, for an escape. All feeling, emotion and sense were left behind him and he didn't want it back.

She'd been gone for three years now and for 3 years he had lived with the pain and false hopes. He couldn't take anymore and he wouldn't. It was as simple in his mind as that. Somewhere between leaving his house and arriving at work Leo had subconsciously made the decision to function on auto-pilot from now on. Somewhere deep inside him he was scared of this new found emptiness. But that part of him had been silenced and he was resolved to hurt no more.

A/N: hope you liked it. It wasn't very Piper/Leo moment filled but it's sort of a filler chapter. if anyone has any ideas they're welcome and please **review!**


	4. A moment in time

A/N: thanks to piperleo4eva, HollyShadow, Charmboy4, kk241289, carey, CrazyGabs, charmedangel429 for your wonderful reviews and suggestions. Hopefully this chapter will mean some of you are a lot less confused and, just a reminder, there is no magic.

**Chapter 4**

Piper was sitting curled on the chair. Prue and Phoebe were sitting opposite her on the settee and she did everything she could to avoid looking at them. Paige had taken Melinda out for the day. To explore San Francisco was the official reason; they both knew the real reason. Piper, Prue and Phoebe needed time alone together; they needed to talk. They needed to know each other again.

So that's how Piper ended up here. Each sister had been waiting for a chance like this for them just to talk again, but know that chance was a reality, they all wished they could be a million miles away.

"Piper," Prue's voice was gentle; she wanted to get her sister to look at her. She wanted to understand her. "Piper" She tried again.

Piper heard her sister the first time; she just wasn't ready to react yet. On hearing her name the second time she waited a beat, undecided whether or not to react this time or not, and slowly turned her head and looked her sister in the eye.

This was enough for Prue and she continued "Why did you leave?" Her voice was not aggressive or blaming in any way at all, just merely enquiring. She wanted to know why Piper had left all those years ago and didn't see the point in blinding that fact with pleasantries. Without understanding that, she knew that neither she nor Phoebe could even begin to comprehend anything else Piper told them.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes. Why did you do it?" For Phoebe it wasn't just a matter of wanting, like it was for Prue; she needed to know.

"Because I was nothing. Around you two I was absolutely nothing at all. I mean, Prue you were the amazing popular one and Phoebes, well you were just Phoebes and that was great but I was, god _I_ don't even know what I was. It just got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. Grams was always giving you guys the attention. It wasn't deliberate it was just what it was but it got worse. Everyday I felt worse and worse about myself. I had no one at school and it felt like I had no one at home either. I needed to get away, to find myself I guess, before there was no one left to find."

It was the longest thing she had said to them since arriving and it shocked them all. She never expected to be that honest, and they had never suspected that that had been going on.

"Piper...I... I don't even know what to say. Just, sorry."

"You don't need to apologize it wasn't anybody's fault. Like I said, it just was what it was and for me, going away was a good thing. I mean if I hadn't I would never have met Le..." Piper hadn't expected that to come out. She didn't know she had let her guard down that much that fast. She hoped they wouldn't dwell on it, ask questions about him. She didn't know if she'd be able to answer them.

Phoebe and Prue exchanged glances. They knew about Leo, of course. They'd even met him a few times and when they had it was obvious that he and Piper loved one another immensely so when they had gotten engaged, it came as no surprise to them, or anyone for that matter. Prue thought that Piper, at twenty, was too young, yes, but she knew that Leo adored her sister and would never hurt her.

All that they knew. What came next though, they had never known. They learnt, as it happened, that Piper moved to New York then England and that Melinda was born but, to them, Piper and Leo had been too much in love for it just to end without a reason. It was also obvious now, seeing Piper, that the reason was painful.

Phoebe considered just letting the moment pass but despite the distances that had developed between them, she still, in essence, knew her sister; and right now she knew that she was hurting but was trying not to let it show.

"Piper, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but what happened between you and Leo? I mean you guys always used to seem so happy and now you're obviously not. Like I said you don't have to say if you don't want to, it's just sometimes good to talk about these things"

Piper had known as soon as she said his name that they'd ask about Leo and she'd been adamant that she wouldn't answer whatever question they asked. But then Phoebe spoke and Piper knew there was truth in what she had said. She had talked to Paige about what happened at the time and for a little after and then Piper made the decision that she didn't want to talk about those times anymore and so she didn't, no matter how many times Paige tried to prompt a conversation about it. But maybe now was the time to start to talk again, with the distance of time and to her sisters who weren't there when it happened. Maybe now she'd be able to find some distance and clarity.

"We were happy, I had never been happier than I was when I was with him but like all things, it changed. It wasn't slow change though, it was fast and it hurt all the more because of that."

_Flashback_

_Piper came back from work. She was exhausted and all she wanted was to sleep. The flat was dark so she flicked the light switch on. Hopefully she wandered into the kitchen, but saw nothing but that, an empty kitchen. There was a time when he'd leave her a note on the counter, but not anymore. It wasn't just him though; she'd stopped doing it too. She couldn't remember who stopped it first or why, even when. It was just one of the many things they didn't do anymore. _

_A tear slid silently down her face, but she'd cried so much recently that she barely noticed. She put down her bag, took of her coat and dropped her keys on the bench as she made her way to the bedroom. For a split second before she pushed the door open, she wished and hoped that she would find him inside. She knew she wouldn't but that didn't stop the familiar disappointment from hurting as the open door cruelly revealed another empty room. She changed and got ready for bed without paying any attention to what she was doing. As she turned to switch of the bedside lamp, the last thing her weary eyes saw was a photo of her and Leo smiling and being so happy and in love in the park only 4 months ago. They'd just found out she was pregnant, and although you couldn't see it in the photo, he had his arms protectively around her stomach. She remembered how safe she had felt in those arms; that nothing else mattered and nothing could ever hurt her as long as she was there. But it wasn't long after that that she... No, she wouldn't let herself think about that. She rolled over in the cold bed, curled up in a foetal position and fell fitfully asleep. Things had changed so drastically since that photo was taken, she didn't know how much more of this she could handle._

_Leo came back from work and the sun hung pale in the morning sky. He hated working night shifts. He hated it even more knowing that Piper worked days. It hadn't always been this way; only since she'd...she'd had a miscarriage six weeks ago. Then things began to fall apart. She didn't talk about it, not with him, not with anyone. She had absorbed herself in her work; managing the restaurant had become her life. _

_It would have been easy to blame their current situation all on Piper, but he knew that it was partly his fault as well. After all, he'd stopped trying to get her to talk pretty quickly and followed her lead by immersing himself with work at the hospital. Unfortunately as a newly qualified junior doctor the only work he could get that he was interested in was a night shift in the ED._

_By the time Leo got into the bedroom he'd had enough. He missed seeing Piper everyday; he missed having a conversation with her. He missed being able to love her. He picked up the telephone of the bedside table and dialed his work. After a quick conversation with his boss and a 'Family Emergency' Leo managed to get the next three nights of work. All that was left to do now was sleep and wait until Piper returned._

_As she had done for practically every night in the last 5 weeks, Piper arrived home to a dark apartment. She sighed deeply and berated her self for once again having false hope. She walked into the kitchen and, putting her coat, bag and keys on the table, did what she always did. Today she did everything more detached than usual; her day at work had been terrible, the chef had phoned in sick early on and so the best replacement had to be called in at the last moment. Unfortunately 'best' was not the most fitting word; the replacement was inadequate on many levels and so Piper had been dealing with complaining customers all day who seemed to take their dissatisfaction out on her as if it where some kind of personal vendetta. And right now all she wanted was someone to hold her; to reassure her and tell her that everything would be okay. And what she had was an empty lifeless flat. Fighting back emotion she made her way to the bedroom but stopped before she made it. She couldn't deal with another night alone in there. Instead she fell onto the settee, curled up, and, as the strength of her emotions exhausted her, fell asleep._

_Leo walked up the stairs, unlocked the door and walked into the flat. He hadn't meant to be this late but had been caught up in traffic on his way back from the shops where he had been buying ingredients for dinner. He hoped that Piper hadn't come back from work yet so that he would be able to surprise her. He walked into the main room which was a kitchen/living room and scanned it. He saw Piper's bag, keys and coat discarded on the bench and on the settee he saw Piper and his heart leapt. She was sleeping and looked so vulnerable, drowning in her dreams and a torrent of emotions that were etched across her face. He walked over to her and, not thinking, gently stroked her hair away from her face._

_"Le...Leo?" She slowly opened her eyes and through a haze of sleep she glimpsed him. Or at least she thought she did. He looked so real, and she could feel his touch on her face but he couldn't be there, could he? _

_"Shhh... yes it's me. I didn't mean to wake you; go back to sleep."_

_She pushed her tiredness aside and pulled him towards her, embracing him heavily and he returned the hug gratefully. She was overcome with the turbulence of emotions that came with seeing him and began to cry, but these tears were different to the ones that she had shed recently; there was no grief or sorrow in these ones; they were filled with joy, hope and relief._

_"I've missed you so much" He whispered into her hair and it sent shivers allover her; she had missed the sound of his voice and his touch deeply. _

_Gradually they moved into a more comfortable position as he lay down on the settee with his head leaning on one arm rest and she lay beside him, he wrapped his arms around her protectively; he was reluctant to let her go. _

_"I don't understand. I mean, why aren't you at work?"_

_"I missed you. We've hardly had a conversation in the past 6 weeks and it was killing me so I took the next three nights of work."_

_She turned around to look at him in shock "Three nights?!" a smile spread slowly across her face as bent towards her and captured her lips in his own. Their kiss deepened until she pulled away but left her hands on his face. She turned his head so she was looking directly into his eyes. "Thank you" the words were barely audible but were tinged with so much feeling and possible meaning that he had never heard anything better. She rolled over again so that they were both facing the same way instead of each other and his arms embraced her further as he gently kissed the top of her head._

A/N: I know that it's ended mid-flashback which is a bit strange and wasn't really intentional but what happens next will take a lot of explaining and this is already pretty long as it is.

If you read any of my other fics then I'm working on Accident exposure but Diaries is sort of on hold because I have no idea what to do with it next. Sorry about how long this update took in coming and **Please review.**


	5. Moving on

A/N: Thanks to Piperleo4eva, kk241289, halli-halliwell Miggs for reviewing the last chapter, this chapter is here because of you; collectively you managed to remind me why I started writing in the first place so thank you.

This picks up from the same flashback as chapter 4 ended on. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I forgot to say last time but this is a flashback of 3 and a half years.

**Chapter 5**

_Happiness. She hadn't felt it in so long and now it overwhelmed her. It was the morning after Leo had taken time off work and the two of them lay entwined in bed. She'd missed this so much; just waking up next to him. The feeling of his naked body next to hers as they lay under the covers was like heaven to her; her head on his chest, an arm over his waist and his arm was holding her to him. Their clothes lay scattered around the flat, a result of built up passion for one another which had exploded the night before _

_But with happiness, Piper experienced guilt, she always had. All through her life she had never felt good enough to be happy, call it strange or messed up; call it whatever you want, but she felt it all the same. Then when she met Leo, for the first time this was somebody who loved her because they wanted to and not because they had to. Through this love Piper's self esteem soared but there was still a part of her who felt she didn't deserve the happiness she had found. When she miscarried 6 weeks ago, this part of her grew and now all the doubts and emotions of her teenage years had resurfaced and collided with the hurt of losing her baby to result in a dominating feeling of inescapable pain. _

_End flashback_

Piper was sitting in the same position on the chair as she had when she started telling her story. She had tears rolling down her face now and her voice wavered and cracked but her eyes stared at something unseen to Phoebe and Prue.

She was lost in her past; all she could see was the events of those fateful moments about four years ago when everything changed. Her voice described aloud what had happened without any prompting from her brain, and her sisters sat there in disbelief, they had no idea that anything to do with Piper's miscarriage had been going on.

"I worked out afterwards that it was that night when Melinda was conceived but I didn't know then. Maybe if I had things would have turned out differently. But when his time off was over Leo went back to work and everything went back to normal" She gave a small laugh "We were so stupid and naïve to think those 3 days off work could solve the problems we were having. It just got too much, we barely saw one another and we were having so many different experiences and growing apart that I felt like I didn't even know him when we were together.

"Then about 3 weeks after that night, Paige phoned from New York. We'd always dreamt of opening our own nightclub when we were in college but had never thought seriously about doing it but she phoned and said that she had found a great venue where we could do what we had always dreamt of for real. She said, of course, that Leo could come too and that she knew a few of the hospitals had openings available. But, I don't know where from, something told me that I had to do this by my self. Maybe it was because we had been having so many problems, or maybe it was because we were so young that I just needed to be single again.

"I don't know why," she gave another small laugh, "but I told Paige right then that I'd move to New York. Just me. I told Leo and left our apartment a few days later."

The room was in silence; Piper was finally over come by the emotions she had been bottling up for the past four years- the pain of a love lost, the guilt that she'd played a part in that and the emotion involved in raising a child alone.

For Prue and Phoebe they were taken aback by the intensity of what Piper was saying; they had never expected that something like had been going on. They also felt a slight sense of betrayal that it _had_ been going on and their sister had never before confided in them.

Also, the way Piper had finished her story- abruptly and with no real explanation- coupled with the cascades of tears she was now in, made it glaringly obvious to them that she had not told them the full story. They still had questions that were unanswered, such as why did Leo have no involvement with Melinda.

But right now the most important thing was that their sister was crying and in pain. In other words, she needed them and they were only too happy to oblige, getting up from the settee and walking over to her they surrounded Piper in a hug- just letting her know that they were there for her.

-xOx-

Leo walked past his boss's office.

"Leo, come in here please"

"Yes Dr. Carter"

" I just wanted you to know that an opportunity for a transfer to another hospital has come up. It's for a position I think you'd be excellent for "

"What position is it for?" Leo's curiosity had risen, this was exactly what he needed- an opportunity to get away from this town.

"do you remember about a year ago and there was a little girl ….Kimberly Fletcher her name was?" Leo nodded, he remembered. Kimberley had been knocked down by a car and had suffered some pretty major injuries which meant she was in hospital for about four months. " Well Kimberly's father, Mr. Fletcher is, as you probably know, one of the East coast's most up and coming business men but he is looking to expand to the West Coast too. His company has recently finished building a new, small private children's hospital. They're looking for an executive pediatrician. He remembered you from when you treated Kimberly and asked for you personally."

"Well how can I say no to that?" Leo's curiosity had risen, this was exactly what he needed- an opportunity to get away from this town. "Where exactly is this new hospital"

"San Francisco"

x-x-x-x-x

A/N: oh my god! An update! I'd almost forgotten what typing one of these was like :D

Hope you all liked it and please Review. Thanks


	6. A New place, a New Start?

A/N: thank you to halli-halliwell (twice!), Piper xox Leo, versatilecutie, syad yniar, patricia, Pretty in Pink, Catie and piper+leo4eva, Swimmer07 (thanks for leaving a review after every chapter, I liked seeing your reaction to each chapter) for your reviews. Hope you enjoy this…

Chapter six

'Hey, look' Phoebe motioned to Prue from her position next to the bay window at the front of the manor to look out of it and across the street to the dark charcoal coloured building opposite. "What does that sign say?" She asked Prue, squinting, as her elder sister joined her at the window and they watched two men clad in workman's clothes fixing a large sign in the front garden of the house.

"It says…Fletcher Private Children's Hospital" Prue replied.

Before Phoebe could comment, Piper entered the room

"What are you two looking at?" she enquired before joining her sisters at the window.

Since Piper had talked to her sisters about why she had left, the three were becoming closer. It was still a gradual process, and they were no where near as close as phoebe and Prue would have liked, but they were getting there.

Piper was a little more hesitant than her sisters about getting close to them again. Again? Had they ever been close? Well, she supposed they must have been, when they were young; really young. She must have been happy then. Truth was, she couldn't remember being happy before she met Leo. But even that went to crap.

Piper was dragged out of reverie by the voice of her sister,

"The house opposite is going to be a children's hospital." Prue informed her casually before the three took another look out of the window then, one by one, walked towards the chairs and sat down; Prue and Piper on opposite ends of the settee and Phoebe in the large arm chair.

There was a moment of awkward silence which was broken by Melinda bounding down the stairs and jumping onto the settee next to her mother.

"Mommy! Can I go to the park with Auntie Paige? Please mommy please!"

Piper looked over her daughter's head to the stairs, where she saw Paige coming down them. Paige nodded; letting Piper know that she didn't mind taking the little girl out, and Piper mouthed a 'thank you' back in return.

"Sure you can sweetie," Piper said to her daughter and added, "Maybe it'll get rid of some of this excess energy you seem to have gotten!" under her breadth as she was engulfed in a hug from her daughter.

Melinda jumped of the settee and ran towards Paige who had the girl's coat ready and waiting.

-x-

'San Francisco'

He knew what that place meant; how could he not? It was Piper had grown up; where she'd been running from when they had met. He knew that she hated it there, so it was the one place in the world where she would probably never go back to. He knew all this but the information occurred to him like long remembered facts from an old school text book.

But he had put all those thoughts out of his head and, probably against his better judgment, agreed to take the position. He _needed_ to get away from his old place. He needed to move on.

So that was why he was here, three weeks later, with a brand new apartment and about to walk through the doors of a brand new job. But he felt nothing and it was inescapably so. He wasn't excited, nervous, worried, anticipating or dreading it. Tired even. He just felt numb as he walked towards the double wooden front doors of the Victorian San Franciscan house.

The house looked like every other one on its street, bar its colour, as each home was painted a different hue; sky blue, deep indigo, lemon yellow, muted green and pinky-red.

"Melinda, come back here!"

He turned with mild curiosity to see where the noise was coming from and saw a little girl running down the steps of the large red house across the street from the hospital. The child looked familiar to him, though he knew that he couldn't have seen her before. His eyes were focused on the girl as she came to a stop at the bottom of the steps and a woman he definitely recognised picked her up.

Paige hoisted Melinda onto her hip; she would be safer there than running down the pavement, which she would undoubtedly do. Besides, it was a relatively long walk for little legs, and one which would tire the girl out before they even reached the park.

When Melinda was settled, and had begun to chatter excitedly about what they would do once they reached the park, Paige lifted her head up and focused on the other side of the street, in preparation to cross. What she saw stopped her dead in her tracks and made her whole body feel cold as her mind raced with the possible repercussions of it all.

"Paige?" Leo questioned, a little louder than he had intended.

"Leo" Paige replied, purely for the lack of anything else to say.

-x-x-

A/N: hope you liked it. I thought it was a bit more interesting for Paige to see Leo first. And don't panic, Piper and Leo will meet again shortly! Please Review!


	7. The Past in the Present

A/N: I'm very sorry for the long time between updates, I started this chapter ages ago but I couldn't seem to finish it, then last night I got hit by a sudden burst of inspiration and I finished this chapter then got some ideas for the next one. So here's hoping for some more frequent updates!

Thanks to Midnite Magick, Linn-LovesPiperLeo, Magical Princess, Piperleo4eva, nicole812us, swimmer07, halli-halliwell and versatile cutie for reviewing the last chapter.

Hope you all enjoy this one.

**Chapter7**

Leo stared at Paige. There was so much that he could say. But he didn't. His mind was racing; jumping from each thought to a new idea, consideration and possible meaning.

When Piper left, she'd gone to stay with Paige; that much he knew. The two of them were best friends so Paige almost certainly knew where Piper was now. But he wasn't even sure he wanted to know where she was. He'd felt to much hurt over the years, and coming here was supposed to put an end to that but now…Now he had a link. And the possibility of an answer to why she'd really left and never come back.

Paige's mind span. He wasn't supposed to be here. _What _was he doing here? She had no idea what to do. Piper was just inside the house; if she looked out one of the front windows now then she'd see him. And his daughter…God! She was holding his daughter, and he didn't even know she existed.

"Paige! Melinda forgot…"

Paige whirled her body around to see Piper standing at the front door of the manor. She was holding Melinda's purple jacket in one hand and clutching to the porch frame with the other; an attempt to steady herself as her knees threatened to collapse under her with the confrontation of her past.

He looked up the steps to see her standing there. Her face was drained of colour which made her eyes appear darker and bigger than usual. Her hair was longer than he remembered but she essentially appeared to be the same Piper he had known. But he had no idea at all; anything could have changed since the day she walked out three years ago. She was 21 then and 24 now; so much would have changed during those years. So perhaps that was why, as he looked up at the love of his life, the most dominant feeling in a torrent of emotions was fear. Fear that even though she was so close to him now, she might be evenfurther away than he'd dare to imagine before.

What was he doing here? She half wondered if he was here looking for her but the look of shock on his face told her starlight away that wasn't true. _Say something_ a tiny voice inside her urged. But how could she say something when it was taking all her energy to just try to think clearly. Instead she looked down to the pavement and saw that even her daughter had momentarily lost her previous excess energy as she looked back at her mother with a quizzical expression on her face.

_Come on Piper!_ _Deep breaths. You've been in worse situations than this. Say something! _She mentally coached herself as she walked down the steps towards the pavement; towards the man that used to be her world, but had instead become part of a world that she'd rather forget than feel the pain of. As she moved closer to him she felt she felt like she was 18 again and seeing him for the first time at Darryl's party. But then it was all so fresh and new that anything could have happened.

She thought they'd be together forever when he proposed to her. But she'd been young. Too young, some people said at the time. Maybe they'd been right, she didn't know. But she'd been in love and she could see no wrong in accepting the proposal. It was everything she'd dreamed of and she had felt like the happiest person alive for those few short months.

As she neared him she could feel herself falling in love with him again. But she immediately chastised herself; she didn't know him anymore so she couldn't love him. She loved what had been and she loved an ideal. But she didn't know if she could love him. She didn't even know what he was doing here.

Those moments between Piper leaving the solace of the front door and walking down the steps towards the pavement felt like hours to everyone present, but in reality it took only a matter of seconds. Nonetheless, the air seemed to hum with anticipation. At last Piper reached the group on the pavement. She handed Paige the small purple jacket she held in her hand.

"Paige, Melinda forgot her jacket"

Her voice was trying to sound normal but it cracked just a little too much. She looked Paige directly in the eye, allowing her best friend to see the glisten of tears that betrayed exactly what she was feeling. It also allowed Paige to understand what piper was really telling her:

_"Act normal. Take Melinda to the park. Leo can't know about her yet."_

Silently Piper watched Paige and Melinda leave. Her daughter seemed to be rediscovering her energy that had led to the park trip to be planned in the first place as the sound of her voice danced on the air as she talked excitedly to Paige. Piper couldn't hear what she was saying, but by Paige's laugh it didn't seem to be about Leo. She was glad but it didn't last long asshe hoped that Leo hadn't realized the truth about her daughter; their daughter, she corrected herself. She knew that he'd ask about Melinda, and even if he didn't she knew she'd have to tell him anyway. She just didn't want Melinda to be there when it happened.

Slowly, and somewhat uncertainly, she turned around to face him for the first time in three years.

A/N: I hope you liked it. I' know it was very descriptive and not very dialogue-y but hopefully I'll make up for that in the next chapter when a lot is going to happen I feel, (although I haven't written it yet so I don't actually know!)

Please review, and include any suggestions if you have them because I love the help and feedback :)


	8. Questions

A/N: I am so sorry about the year long gap, a lot has happenned but hopefully I'm back for good though I can't make any promises. If any of my old readers are still here sorry again and to any new ones I may be lucky enough to have-hi! Hope you all enjoy.

Chapter 8

He stared at her, watching the emotional struggle she was going through as it played out on her face. It was not long before they were looking each other in the eyes; just like the first time they met. Except it wasn't the first time they'd met. They were young then.

That didn't seem to matter now, her eyes were still a trap for him and he felt himself being drawn in again. He saw her pain again and – he hoped- he saw something more. But she turned her head away. She put her guard up and, following her lead, he did the same.

"What are you doing here?"

Her tone was angry. She hadn't meant it to be but she was scared of the silence and had to say something. And something harsh was better than admitting how she really felt.

He was taken aback by her abruptness, and motioned over his shoulder to point at the hospital: "I work here. I got a transfer".

She stared at him for a moment and he knew what that stare meant.

"I didn't come here to look for you", he was angry now. Angry that she thought he had just been waiting around for the past three years looking for her, angry that she was pretty close to the truth, and angry that he still cared what she thought.

"I'm staying here; with my sisters." She answered the unasked question because she couldn't deal with the way he kept staring at her. It was not how he used to look at her, there was anger there now and she didn't blame him. She couldn't blame him. She blamed herself for leaving him and being the cause of what he was feeling now. She couldn't take it anymore. She knew she'd left him but she had never considered it from his point of view before. Not properly- how could she? She knew it would hurt too much. But now she was confronted by what she had done and she couldn't handle it so she turned around and she walked up the stairs back to the manor.

As she walked a question burst out of Leo's mouth. One he never thought to say but now it was out there he wondered why he had not said it sooner:

"Who's the girl?"

A/N: I'm sorry it's so short but I decided that this was a good place to leave a chapter. please review and as always, ideas are welcome.


	9. Runaway

A/N: I forgot to say it last chapter so thank you to kcdancer, HermionePotter007, piper&leo4ever, swimmer07, nein, -leo-piper-forver-, fireblaze, nicole812us, knatie, Dream.of.rainy.days-x, MidniteMagic, eternal confusion and halli halliwell for reviewing chapter 7.

Thanks to bajacks, nicole812us, Coginom and charmedangel429 for reviewing the last chapter.

Chapter 9

Piper froze. The weakness returned to her legs and there was a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had to answer him; that question wasn't going to stay unanswered easily. She could lie to him- tell him tat her daughter-their daughter- was one of her sister's children, or Paige's. But she knew she wouldn't be able to. She knew he had to know the truth. But that didn't mean she could deal with the consequences of telling him. She slowly turned around and looked down the steps towards him. She couldn't look him in the face though; she hated herself at that moment, and knew he'd hate her pretty soon too.

"She's ours".

She turned quickly, took the few remaining paces to the front door in large strides and entered the house. She shut the door- shut him- behind her. She leant against the door and slid down it, wrapping one arm around her legs and putting her head in her other hand as she sat on the floor. All she could focus on was the sound of her breath as it thundered in her head.

Phoebe and Prue had heard the front door slam and they were now standing in the hallway looking at their shaken sister with questions and concerns in their eyes. Phoebe took a step towards Piper:

"Honey, what's the matter; what happened?"

Almost simultaneously there was the sounds# of an urgent knocking on the door.

"Piper," the word cut through her. She could read the raw emotion in his thickened voice.

"Piper!" there it was again. She couldn't answer him though- she wouldn't know what to say. Her sisters where looking at her, wondering what was going on. She knew that, even though her eyes had been clamped shut since she entered the house.

"You can't run from this too"

But he knew her too well, even after 3 years and that was precisely what she did; what she'd always done. Blinded by tears she didn't even know were falling she scrambled to her feet, pushed past he sisters and fled out the back door, her hair flying behind her.

Leo heard the car roar to life but all he saw was the rear number plate as Piper, his ex-fiancée, the love of his life and now-apparently- the mother of his child ran away from him again.

_Flashback_

_"Nothing's changed Leo!" She was upset but she had given up trying to hide it. Her eyes where two large, dark, shiny pools and they stared at him from a pale white face. He didn't know how much longer he could take it, but he was mad too and she needed to see that. _

_"So that's it. You're just going to give up because we tried one time to make this work but it didn't. You aren't even going to give us a second chance?" _

_"Leo, we've given it a thousand chances." She sat down on the chair behind her. This argument was the latest in a long line dating back to her miscarriage. Before then they had argued but it always seemed like they would be able to get through it. The time since then had blended into one long period of pain for her. It had been broken up by the three days Leo had taken off from work. Three days which had made her realize that things could never be the same again. When they were apart she missed him so much. But when they had been together things weren't the same as they had been. It made no sense to her, but she was exhausted; too exhausted to work it out. _

_He looked at her, sitting on the chair and she looked broken. Had he done this to her? He was sick of blaming himself but he always did. He knew deep down they were both to blame for the breakdown of their relationship. But he was convinced that they could fix it again; if only she gave them a chance. _

_"But we can't give up on us Piper. I love you too much to do that." He walked over to her, kneeling at her feet and looking in her eyes. He tried to take her hands but she wouldn't let him._

_"I love you too, Leo, but I just don't think that is enough anymore." It hadn't been enough to keep their baby. _

_Tears rolled freely now down both their faces and she spoke in a strange hiccupy way. _

_"So what are you saying?" He couldn't believe that it could all be ending. He felt powerless to stop it._

_"Paige phoned from New York. She's found a place for us to open a club; I'm going to move there so we can do it. I can move out tomorrow, I'll find a hotel for tonight. It'll be easier for both of us." She didn't mean to sound so business like but she knew she had to say her plans in one go before she changed her mind. It was breaking her heart and they both knew it. The tears pouring down her face assured that. But she couldn't stay any longer. _

_"I'm sorry". She wanted to kiss him but she knew it was a bad idea so she grabbed her overnight bag and shut the apartment door behind her. Once she was in the corridor she gave way to her emotions; letting the sobs rack her body. She had cried so much in the past few months but these tears were different; after this she didn't think that there would be anymore._

_Leo stood alone in the empty flat, his life was shattered around him and he didn't think he could face seeing her again tomorrow. He could hear her crying in the hallway and it was eating him up inside knowing that she wouldn't allow him to comfort her. So instead he walked into their bedroom. It seemed to be haunted by her, and he couldn't stand it. He grabbed their picture of her nightstand and hurled it at the wall. The glass shattered, scarring the photo. He could sympathise; it matched his heart. _

A/N: Please review and, as always, ideas are welcome.


	10. Hang

A/N: Thank you to PiperandLeoFan101, Coginom, Piper xox Leo, and charmedangel429 for reviewing the last chapter. I apologise that this one might not be that good, but I was very tired when I wrote it. Oh and if some tings appear spelt wrong it's probably because I'm English and so I use English spelling, or it may just be a typo!

Chapter 10

_Continuation of previous Flashback_

_The next day came too soon for both of them. Piper had brought Paige with her to help clear out her stuff. She said that it would be easier to carry things with two of them; they both knew it was because she did not want to be left alone with Leo. _

_"Are these your magazines?" Paige asked as she passed the kitchen counter. Piper grabbed them in response, quickly stuffed them into her final bag and, trying not to think too much about what it meant, turned to leave. _

_"What about all these pictures?" Piper hovered at the door and stared at the walls. There were photos of her and Leo, single portraits, groups of friends and other favourite shots. A thousand memories. She turned the door handle, leaving it all behind. She felt too old; far older than her 22 years. How did she age so much in so few years?_

_Leo had gone out when she arrived. He stood on the street corner nursing a takeaway cup of coffee. He was determined to stay outside until it – or she – had gone. Whichever came first. His chest hurt. His stomach twisted. And the cup in his hand was still full. She was leaving him too soon -why didn't she realise that she had been there for too short a time to be gone? _

_He saw her emerge from the building, a suitcase in her hand. She looked to any passer by as though she was going on holiday. Despite himself he gave a small laugh at the irony of it; they'd always said it would be good to go away. _

_He was having so much trouble understanding her reasons. He'd spent a sleepless night thinking them over but he just couldn't understand. She must have them though- he knew that much. But he loved her so much- he thought that would be enough to save them and he couldn't believe that she didn't feel the same. He knew they had been having problems-he had tried so hard to solve them. But he never thought that they would end like this. His life for the past three years had ended and he still didn't truly see why it had to. But maybe it had been too short, and maybe they were too young to handle it any other way. _

_In the end, he saw that they had not done enough to keep it together. She had not let him and soon he had given up trying. They had turned into themselves, and away from each other. They had left a void where their lives had once been. _

-x-

She had driven 2 miles before she managed to start to calm down. It was 4 miles before she began to question what she had just done.

She had grown up so much in the past 3 years- she was a mother now and a business owner. She had come back to the manor and her sisters. By doing that she had proven to herself that she could face her problems instead of running away from them. More importantly she knew she should face them. She had always known that Leo should know about Melinda. After all it was never her intention to keep his daughter from him – that was just the way things had turned out.

At 6 miles she turned the car round and drove back. Whatever her feelings towards him, Piper knew that Leo had a right to be a father to Melinda, and Melinda had a right to a father. She owed both of them that.

A/N: Special mention to 'Hang' by Matchbox Twenty.

Please Review!


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